Twilight- The Retelling
by hopelesstwilightfan420
Summary: What if Twilight was backed by science? What if Twilight was real? Bella's story just got a whole lot more real!
1. Chapter 1

Bella whipped her hair as she turned around, rolling her eyes. "Yes, dad"

Her dad, expressionless, like the source material, rolled his eyes. "Make sure you remember your interesting coat. I'm going to stay home and do taxes."

Bella changed her expression from an expressionless expression to a less expressionless expression. "You're really doing your taxes? AGAIN?" Bella released an exasperated sigh, not believing that her father would be so boring as to stay home and do taxes multiple times. Her face changed to a slightly discontent expression. Amazing.

Her dad, drinking a cup of joe, smiled at his daughter. "I'm just doing what's best for my family, honey".

Bella left for school, discontent. While driving, she found herself getting angry. Why did she have to do all the work around here? She always drove herself to school. Why can't her silly tax-paying dad drive her? As her anger shook her to her very core, she decided that, in an ultimate show of rebellion, she would turn into oncoming traffic. "Let's see what those taxpayers will think now", she thought. The oncoming mini cooper slammed into her, knocking her into the woods. But suddenly, a flash stopped her from coming to harm! Who was her mysterious saviour? Her face was that of a puffer fish: Her mouth slightly open and her eyes relaxed. This was her interpretation of the human emotion known as "shock". Suddenly, this strange blur moved her into the woods. When she regained her bearings, she looked up and saw the hot, sexy face of Edward! Edward looked at her with glowing eyes, that really popped against his eye-liner. "You know what I am", he said. She looked at his nose as her face morphed into a sort of dazed confusion- her natural state.

"Edward!" she exclaimed. Edward shook his head.

"Guess again, sweaty". She thought about it for a long while, until she once again looked upon his tax-evading face.

"You're a vampire, aren't you?"

"Yes. I siphon money from the government instead of paying taxes." Bella's eyes thought about opening a little, but ultimately they stated put, as they had for a thousand years.

"That's so cool", she said. Edward nodded.

"I'm also a vampire in the supernatural sense. I can't love you sweaty. It's too dangerous!". Bella almost yawned.

"But I love you!"

"Betty, I'm a vampire. It is a life of eternal suffering. The only way to solve this problem is to find someone you are willing to spend an eternity with, and turn them into a vampire. But alas, I cannot do that to you. I am so sorry. We are all very sad."

"I can make you happy!"

"No. Stop that" said Edward, dashing away. Bella noticed a single tear falling, left behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Bella loved her musical theatre class. It was the only place where she felt like her extremely dramatic facial expressions really fit. However, there was one problem with musical theatre. Her classmate, Jacob, was a little creepy. He would always walk up to people and immediately take off his shirt, Nobody knew where he got so many shirts- when he discarded the shirts, nobody could find them, and he always walked away wearing a new one. Bella tried many a time to spot a place where he could be hiding the shirts- maybe his wallet? Anyway, Bella and Jacob had a pivotal scene together in their upcoming production of "Witchwolf Love- A Love that Could Not Be". Bella would play an evil witch, and Jacob would play a werewolf. They were to do a duet together- this would fit Bella's incredible expressiveness perfectly. Bella walked up to him just before class started- she needed to know what her lines were. She had forgotten them at home with her ST**U**PID, **I**DI**O**TIC T**A**X-PAYING **DAD**.

"Hey Jacob", she said in complete, perfect monotone (it was everything she could have possibly wanted).

"Yes?" Said Jacob, turning around. He abruptly took of his shirt, throwing it at Bella's face. She struggled to pull it off.

"What are my lines during the musical, DUMMY?" she said, finally pulling Jacob's shirt off her face. Jacob was already wearing another shirt.

"It's hard to believe  
That I couldn't see  
You were always there beside me

Thought I was alone  
With no one to hold  
But you're my action figure, bby." Jacob threw another shirt at her, once again blocking her view of him.

"Wait- what was that last line?" said Bella, removing the shirt at record pace. But it was for nothing, as Jacob was already wearing another shirt.

"Honestly, I don't know. I spilled a shirt on it last night. I was hoping SOMEONE would know the words, _**BAKA**_." He threw yet another of his shirts at her, but this time Bella caught it.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE THE DUMBEST KID IN MILKWATER HIGH, SHIRTL-" She stopped, realizing that Jacob had put on yet another shirt in the time it took her to catch the previous projectile".

As Bella walked away, Jacob began to scheme up ways to talk to her more. "Why, I bet if I can catch her off guard with something, she'll probably talk to me! Then I can show her my awesome mussles, and I KNOW she'll love me", he thought. Bella, meanwhile, gave Jacob a bit of thought. "What a stupid dummy. I bet he even pays his taxes." But little did Bella know.. HE DIDN'T PAY HIS TAXES!"


End file.
